


Constants

by courtts



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Canon Compliant, Denial of Feelings, Friends to Lovers, Introspection, Light Angst, Love Confessions, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-08
Updated: 2017-01-08
Packaged: 2018-09-15 18:36:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,364
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9250553
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/courtts/pseuds/courtts
Summary: On graduation day, Iwaizumi receives a confession from the one person who was never supposed to change.





	

If Iwaizumi was certain about one thing, it was that the Japanese school year must have been specifically engineered to wring the most feelings out of unsuspecting third years. A mess of emotions was running through his head on graduation day, and the cherry blossoms floating through the air were certainly not helping with the mood.

As he watched his classmates laugh, cry, and hug each other goodbye, he couldn't help but wonder how things would change after today. He was relieved that he passed all his exams (but just barely). He was excited that he was going to a reputable university in Tokyo, and playing volleyball with new faces. But he also felt anxiety about the future. Would the team be able to fare without the third years there? Would he still be able to keep in touch with his friends staying in Miyagi? Would he be able to make the same memories with his university team as the ones he made at Seijoh?

Then again, some things would stay the same.

Iwaizumi saw yet another classmate--short and dainty, hair in pigtails--drag Oikawa away to the far end of the courtyard. She was the third girl who had approached him in twenty minutes. Iwaizumi watched her mumble some incomprehensible words to Oikawa as she played with her fingers, face flushed. After a few words from Oikawa (a rejection, Iwaizumi assumed), tears started falling from her cheeks. Oikawa pulled out yet another unopened pack of tissues from his pocket and handed it to the girl, because only he would be ridiculous enough to think of these things.

_Maybe it's for the best_ , Iwaizumi thought dryly.

As much as it pained him, Oikawa and his antics were here to stay. Even though they would be attending separate universities, they were going to be in the same city. And knowing Oikawa, he wasn't going to let that small distance stop him from harassing Iwaizumi on a daily basis, whether in person or not.

His attention shifted elsewhere when he was approached by Kunimi and a teary-eyed Kindaichi, who wished him luck at his new university. Iwaizumi ruffled Kindaichi's hair, promising to come to their tournaments when he could. He let out a hearty laugh when Kindaichi turned red as a tomato, and was genuinely surprised when the normally stone-faced Kunimi gave him a small smile. His team may have had a few interesting characters, but he was genuinely going to miss the three years he spent at Seijoh.

Suddenly, he felt a hand tugging at the sleeve of his blazer. He turned his head only to find Oikawa looking at him, antsy. "Iwa-chan, come with me. Quick!"

Behind him, Iwaizumi could see another girl in the distance slowly approaching them. Tall and blonde with long hair, this girl wore the same expression as the last one who confessed her love to Oikawa. He recognized her as yet another girl his best friend had led on for the entire year.

"I'm busy," Iwaizumi said, crossing his arms. He shot a quick glance at his juniors, only to find that Kunimi had already started walking away, with Kindaichi running to catch up with him. He let out a sigh. " _Was_ busy."

Oikawa grinned. "Perfect timing. Now let's go before Minako-chan walks over here!"

Iwaizumi swore he felt a vein burst in his head. "Go face your fan girls like a man, you piece of--"

He didn't have time to finish his insult because Oikawa gripped his wrist and started running off to the sports clubrooms on the other, empty side of the school grounds. Iwaizumi stumbled as he tried to match Oikawa's pace, dodging classmates along the way. After scrambling up the stairs, Oikawa shoved him into the volleyball clubroom, quickly shutting the door behind them.

The clubroom was dark, save for a sliver of sunlight creeping through the window, and smelled faintly of sweat. But it was the one place at Seijoh that Iwaizumi cherished the most. Many memories, good, bad, and embarrassing had been made in this room. Most of them involving Oikawa. He tried not to think about the fact that this was probably the last time they'd step foot in there together.

"You're a crappy guy, you know. Hiding all the way out here."

"I'm not _hiding_ ," Oikawa countered. "There's just no other place in this school I can get you alone."

Iwaizumi snorted. "That line may work on your fan girls, but it won't work on me."

Oikawa frowned. "You're just jealous there's not a single girl who'd want you to try that..."

He stopped mid-sentence. Iwaizumi raised an eyebrow. There was something off about Oikawa, but he couldn't put his finger on exactly what.

"Anyway, I have something to tell you," Oikawa said, breaking the silence.

"It can't wait till later?" Iwaizumi asked.

Oikawa shook his head. "I have plans with my family for the rest of the day. I think this is the last time I'll see you before tomorrow."

_So that's it_ , Iwaizumi thought. Oikawa was leaving for his university the next day to attend a training camp, before classes officially started. After they left the school gates, they would no longer be classmates or teammates, just friends. It was the end of a fourteen year era; just thinking about it stung.

Iwaizumi braced himself for the impending sappy speech and tears to come. "I'm listening."

Oikawa cleared his throat, sticking his hands into the pockets of his uniform pants. He took a deep breath before beginning. "Iwa-chan, today's our last day as high school students. Starting tomorrow, both of us will be at different schools, play on different teams, have different friends. We won't get to see each other everyday anymore."

Iwaizumi could feel his heart constrict just a tiny bit, a lump forming in the back of his throat. He told himself he wasn't going to let the graduation mood get the best of his emotions, but apparently he was wrong.

"Oikawa," Iwaizumi warned, "Don't do this."

"I just graduated. I can do whatever I want now."

Iwaizumi scoffed. Leave it to Oikawa to sass him at a time like this.

Oikawa continued. "But what I was _trying_ to say is... I wanted to get something off my chest before I left." He gulped, eyes leaving Iwaizumi's for a split second before meeting them once again.

"Oikawa? What is it?"

"I like you."

The words came out as a whisper, but it seemed like they echoed through the club room, bouncing off the walls, and ringing in Iwaizumi's head much louder than before.

Iwaizumi blinked. "What..."

Where were the mentions of volleyballs?

Of teammates, and setters and aces?

Of being unstoppable together?

"I like you, Iwa-chan," Oikawa repeated, this time with more assertiveness.

"Stop joking around, Crappykawa," Iwaizumi said. He refused to believe the nonsense coming out of his childhood friend's mouth.

"I'm not joking. Seriously." Oikawa's voice faltered ever so slightly.

Iwaizumi opened his mouth to scold Oikawa for having the nerve to kid around on graduation day, but then he noticed the flush on Oikawa's cheeks, the slight parting of his lips. It was an expression he was very familiar with. Not directed at him, per se, but he recognized it from the way girls looked at Oikawa as they passed by him in the halls, or watching him at practice matches and tournaments. He recognized it from earlier, from the girl in pigtails who pulled Oikawa aside in the corner of the courtyard.

His heart started hammering in his chest.

Oikawa was looking at him with the same uncertain eyes as the love-struck first years who used every ounce of courage to give their crush a homemade bento box, a note of affection hidden inside. The only difference was that instead of Oikawa on the receiving end of the confession, it was himself.

His breath slowed and his eyes widened. And then, in a sudden, but painful moment of clarity, he was forced to accept the thing he feared the most.

_He was being confessed to._

"Iwa-chan? Say something, yeah?" Oikawa called.

Iwaizumi couldn't bring himself to look Oikawa in the eyes. Or, rather, the frivolous idiot who chose to change their relationship with three simple words.

Oikawa had no business confessing to him in the volleyball clubroom out of all places, a place that held a lot of significance for the two of them. It was a place where they should've been talking about their fondest memories, their biggest regrets, their futures. Not... this.

"Dumbass... why are you telling me this?"

"I wanted to tell you for years now," Oikawa admitted, his voice growing quiet. "But if I did, while we were still playing volleyball together, it could've messed up the team dynamic. I just couldn't risk it." He let out a sigh. "So, I'm telling you now."

Iwaizumi felt sick to his stomach. This wasn't supposed to be happening. It couldn't be happening, because Oikawa had always been the one constant in his life: his troublesome and irritating, but trustworthy childhood friend. Oikawa had always been his setter, and he had always been Oikawa's ace, and even though they were no longer on the same team, they would never stop being partners.

They were never supposed to disturb the bond they had built, no, perfected over the last fourteen years.

"But what about all your girlfriends..." Iwaizumi stammered.

"I never felt much for them," Oikawa confessed. "Not the way I felt things for you."

"What about all the times you said you loved them?"

"I thought I did. I really did. It's just... I thought if I dated a cute girl, and kissed her, and told her I loved her, I could convince myself that I loved someone else more than you. I thought I could convince myself that you were just a close friend, and that my feelings for you weren't real."

Iwaizumi pictured himself in the place of all of Oikawa's former girlfriends. He imagined doing all the things that he despised hearing Oikawa brag about in the first place: calling each other cute pet names, spoon-feeding each other ice cream from the dessert café, making out in the hallway in between classes. Did Oikawa really want to do this kind of stuff with him? Is this what people in love were supposed to do?

_No,_ he thought. This had to be a mistake. None of those things represented their relationship. At all.

"Oikawa, I... we..."

The words couldn't seem to come out. As much as he didn't like the idea of Oikawa being in love with him, Iwaizumi didn't have the heart to reject him.

Instead, Oikawa did it for him.

"I'm not expecting an answer from you, Iwa-chan. I just needed to say the words out loud, or I thought I would explode." Oikawa looked away. "That's all there is to it."

Iwaizumi impulsively sighed a breath of relief when he realized he was off the hook for responding to Oikawa's confession. But the pit of anxiety in his stomach was replaced with a feeling of deep dread, because that wasn't the reaction Oikawa was hoping for, and they both knew it.

"Anyway, that was all I had to say. Let's get back to the others, yeah?" Oikawa's voice was back to its fake, overly cheerful tone from before. And for the first time in all fourteen years of their friendship, Iwaizumi couldn't call him out on it.

Iwaizumi nodded, unable to do much else. "Yeah."

The two of them walked back to the main courtyard, where their parents and classmates were still congregated. Oikawa hummed the Seijoh anthem they sang earlier at the graduation ceremony, with a skip in his step. His head was held high.

When they approached the rest of their friends, Oikawa placed a hand on Iwaizumi's shoulder. His breath hitched, suddenly reminded of the time they lost against Karasuno, when Oikawa was there for him at his lowest. This gesture was gentler, but still held the same reassurance from before.

Iwaizumi looked up at Oikawa, the first time since they left the clubroom. Oikawa was looking straight back at him with earnest eyes.

"I'll be over this silly little crush in no time, don't you worry." Oikawa gave him a small, but sad smile. "This won't change anything between us."

Iwaizumi hoped he wasn't lying.

\---

The next morning, Iwaizumi had to practically drag himself out of bed to see Oikawa off, only slipping on a hoodie over his pajamas and brushing his teeth before walking out the door. As he walked past the two houses it took to get from his own house to Oikawa's, he saw Oikawa's father starting to load overstuffed boxes into the trunk of their small Toyota. He also saw Oikawa himself waving to him in the distance, hands outstretched high.

"Good morning, Iwa-chan!" Oikawa chirped.

"Shut up! It's 8 in the morning!" Iwaizumi shouted back.

Iwaizumi ignored the squawk Oikawa gave him in reply. He noted that Oikawa was awfully loud and peppy for this time of the day, a sharp contrast from the quiet and pensive expressions he showed in the volleyball clubroom. It was almost as if yesterday never happened.

When he reached Oikawa's house, he got a better look at the boxes and suitcases of all sizes littering Oikawa's driveway. He sighed and shook his head, realizing he could've slept in for an extra twenty minutes had he known they weren't even finished packing yet.

"What do you even have in here?" Iwaizumi asked, reaching to open one of the boxes. Knowing Oikawa, he was probably going to try to pack every single belonging he owned into that tiny car. Even that ragged stuffed alien he still slept with at night, no matter how many times he tried to deny it.

Oikawa ran over, slamming both of his hands on top of the box. "Nothing you need to see," he said, laughing nervously.

Iwaizumi tilted his head. "Like Alien-chan?"

Oikawa's face turned comically red. "Iwa-chan! How dare you bring him up!" Iwaizumi put a hand over his mouth, trying to stifle the laughter he knew was coming.

"So he _is_ in here?"

"Of course not!" Oikawa spat.

"Whatever," Iwaizumi said, cracking a smile. "Let's get this over with so I can go back to sleep."

Oikawa pouted. "You could at least act like you're sad to see me go!"

Loading up the rest of the boxes and suitcases didn't take very long. Iwaizumi and Oikawa's father did most of the heavy lifting, while Oikawa stood off to the side, chatting away. They talked about training camps, their new roommates, and their lofty goals for volleyball dominance. They didn't talk about the fact that Oikawa was in love with Iwaizumi, and that they were both choosing to ignore it.

When it was finally time to say goodbye, Oikawa gave Iwaizumi a slap on the back.

"See you in a week, Iwa-chan," he said. "Don't cry yourself to sleep in the meantime!"

_Like hell I would_ , Iwaizumi thought. But the truth was, they weren't going to see each other as much as Oikawa thought they would, considering their class loads and rigorous practice schedules. He couldn't let Oikawa be reminded of that fact, so he put on his best cranky voice and said,

"Don't piss off your new team too much."

Oikawa's eyes softened. "I'll miss you," he said, reaching his arms out for what Iwaizumi assumed was a goodbye hug. Iwaizumi outstretched his own arms, preparing himself for their final farewell.

Except that hug never came.

Oikawa hesitated, dropping his arms back to his sides. Iwaizumi's heart sank as he lowered his own arms, already starting to feel the distance form between the two of them.

After a brief, but awkward silence, Oikawa was the first to speak. The uncertainty on his face was replaced with his signature grin.

"Why are you frowning? I'm not even gone yet!"

Iwaizumi stammered. "I... I..."

He heard a honk coming from the running car in the driveway.

"Tooru! Let's go!" Oikawa's father shouted from the driver's seat.

Oikawa looked at his father, then back at Iwaizumi. He gave his childhood friend a cheeky wave. "Well, goodbye, Iwa-chan."

Iwaizumi couldn't muster a response in the time it took Oikawa to enter the car. As Oikawa and his father pulled out of the driveway, Oikawa flashed him a quick peace sign from the passenger's seat before turning to say something to his father. Iwaizumi waved halfheartedly in reply.

He tried to ignore the glimpse he caught of the frown forming on Oikawa's face as they drove away.

\---

During his last week in Miyagi, Iwaizumi's life wasn't really all that different from before he graduated. He spent time with Hanamaki and Matsukawa, getting in his final rounds of video games and subpar ramen bowls with his friends before leaving for Tokyo. He made one last trip to the Seijoh gym, wishing his former team good luck in the new school year. He sat down for dinner with his family, talking about the classes he was going to take, and the schools he would be playing against in the upcoming volleyball season.

But when he lay in bed at the end of the day, he was left with nothing but his own thoughts to keep him company.

Iwaizumi tried to drift off into slumber, but flashes of memories swirled around in his mind. All he could picture was how Oikawa's eyes refused to meet his, how he kept an extra foot of distance between them on that day he left. He didn't care anymore. Oikawa was allowed to be as in love with him as he wanted. He just wanted their old relationship back, for Oikawa to lower his barriers around him once more.

He just wanted to see the old him again.

Iwaizumi pictured Oikawa lying next to him in his small, twin-sized bed, with only the moonlight creeping in from the window illuminating his features. He could almost feel the heat radiating from Oikawa's body onto his own, even though he wasn't really there.

Oikawa was silent. There were no jokes coming from his lips, or fake smiles plastered on his face. It was just him and Iwaizumi lying together, words unspoken, because they had nothing to hide from each other in the first place.

He didn't think about how Oikawa's face was mere inches away from his own, or how he was gazing at him with unguarded eyes. All he could focus on was the smile forming on his best friend's lips, how happy he looked to be sharing this quiet moment of intimacy with him.

For a brief second, he thought to himself that this was nice.

Iwaizumi rolled over and grabbed his phone sitting on the nightstand next to his bed, flipping through his Instagram feed, eyes lingering a little longer than they should whenever Oikawa's posts came up. He closed the app and pulled up Oikawa's name in his text messages. The feed that was normally filled with random chatter, tidbits, and the occasional insult was silent; the last message he received from Oikawa dated back to the day of graduation.

His fingers found their way to the keyboard, typing, "you said nothing would change between us," before backpedaling, erasing the words from the screen. He typed once more, settling for "i miss you." His thumb hovered over the send button.

Iwaizumi paused, closing his phone before he could send anything. He wasn't supposed to be thinking about these things. He couldn't make things more awkward than they already were.

He sat up and rubbed his face. He really needed to clear his head.

He tossed his phone onto his bed, threw on a hoodie, and slipped out the front door into the cold night, just quietly enough to avoid disturbing his parents from their sleep.

Iwaizumi's feet led him to the neighborhood park just a few blocks away from Kitagawa Daiichi. The park was a lot smaller than he remembered, considering he hadn't visited it in years. But the big tree was still standing strong, now pink, cherry blossoms in bloom. The grass was still tall and unruly, and he could still hear the sound of crickets in the distance. It was almost as if time stood still, just in this one place.

He thought of the memories he's made here in his childhood: catching beetles in the summer heat, dropping said beetles in Oikawa's hair and watching him freak out, learning how to pass a volleyball, laughing when Oikawa failed to serve his, spiking his first toss and feeling like he could conquer the world.

Come to think of it, most of his childhood memories involved Oikawa in one way or another. Even as they changed schools, made new friends, developed their own interests, and became their own people, it was always the two of them at the end of the day.

Instinctively, he looked over his shoulder for his partner in crime. He felt a pang in his chest when he realized there was no one looking back at him.

For the first time in years, Iwaizumi felt truly alone. He wished to have someone by his side, even if the person in mind was hundreds of miles away.

Then a memory sprung into his head.

He thought back to the only time he and Oikawa were apart for more than a few days at a time. It was in their final year of elementary school when Iwaizumi and his family spent their summer in Kyoto, to accompany his father on a long business trip. He remembered the anxiety he felt, having to spend the summer in an unfamiliar place away from his friends. He also remembered how Oikawa tried to cheer him up, in his own ridiculous way.

 

 

"Ta-da!"

Tooru shoved a brand new volleyball into Hajime's hands. He had scribbled his face on it in bright red marker; it bore none other than his cheeky smile.

Hajime scrunched his nose. "Why is your face on it?"

"Isn't it obvious? We're gonna be apart for the whole summer. An _entire summer_ of not seeing my awesome face." Tooru gave him a wink. "So naturally, I got you the next best thing."

Hajime stared at the previously pristine volleyball, now ruined with red scribbles. Then he looked back to Tooru and frowned.

"I'll just have to hit it extra hard then."

"Hajime, you meanie!" Tooru stomped his foot on the ground. His face was getting red. "I went through all this trouble to get you a gift, and this is how you thank me?"

Tooru's face grew redder and redder. His eyes started to get puffy, and his nose began to run.

He all but spat at Hajime. "It's a good thing you're... you're going away."

Tears began falling down Tooru's face. All Hajime could think about was how ugly he looked.

"Stop crying, dumbass! We're almost in middle school!"

"I can't help it! I'm gonna miss you!" Tooru wailed. Hajime felt just a tiny bit bad.

"...You're such a pain."

Hajime walked up to his bedroom, and Tooru followed, face still wet with tears. He scanned the floor, littered with clothes, toys, and books, until he spotted a volleyball right by the foot of his bed. Unlike the one Tooru gave him, it was worn, stained with dirt from the countless hours Hajime had spent tossing it outside.

He took the ball, brought it to his desk, and scribbled on his own face on it using a black marker. The version of him in his drawing had a big frown on his face.

When he handed the ball to Tooru, he ignored the confusion on his friend's face. "It's not fair if I'm the only one getting a present," Hajime said. "So here. Take it."

Tooru looked up at Hajime, then back down at the ball. His sniffles began to stop, and a smile started to creep up on his face. "Iwa-chan... This is so..." Tooru was beaming.

"...This is so lame."

 

 

Iwaizumi cringed recalling that memory he had tucked away into the back of his mind. He didn't know what drove him to do something so stupid and embarrassing, giving Oikawa that ratty volleyball that day. At first, he imagined it was out of a sense of pity, to shut up an annoying friend who wouldn't stop crying. But then another thought surfaced from the depths of his mind, brought on by the solitude he had felt the entire night.

_Maybe it's because you wanted to show him that you would miss him as much as he missed you_.

Iwaizumi's chest hurt again. Not just because he missed his childhood friend, but because he knew his thoughts were about more than simple friendship. He didn't like Oikawa in that way, even when his thoughts wandered to places they shouldn't wander. He _couldn't_ like him back because it would change everything they had built together up to this point.

He breathed in the crisp spring air, letting it clear his head, and sighed. He'd get through this, no matter how long it took. He turned around, starting his walk back home, and shaking the unwanted thoughts from his mind as he exited the park grounds.

\---

Iwaizumi visited the small park one last time on the day before he left for Tokyo. The sun was shining high, and not a single cloud filled the sky. The cherry blossoms falling from the giant tree were now a lustrous pink, illuminated by the sun's rays. The previously empty park was now filled with grade school kids, playing and running around on the clear day.

But the weather didn't match Iwaizumi's oddly contemplative mood. Because tomorrow would be the first time he would have the chance to see Oikawa in person, and he really didn't want to see him. He had stopped pretending that it was out of some kind of misguided care for his childhood friend. It was because he was scared of how their friendship was now uncharted territory, now that Oikawa's feelings were out in the open.

Iwaizumi glanced at the open patch of grass next to the giant tree where they tossed their first volleyballs to one another. He thought about how they were long past that stage in their lives, and how he wished they could go back to it.

A familiar, but playful voice called out from behind him.

"Yoo-hoo! Hajime!"

Iwaizumi turned his head in the direction of the new sound, only to come face-to-face with Oikawa's mother. Even though her expression was more subdued, she still had the same mischievous eyes, the same teasing grin as her son. It was easy to see where Oikawa got all the things that made him, well, Oikawa.

"Ah, Oikawa-san... Hi."

"Looks like I guessed right," Oikawa's mother said, smiling.

"What do you mean?" Iwaizumi asked.

"I stopped by your house, but your mom said you stepped out," she replied. "It's such a nice day out today, I figured I should just come see you in person."

Iwaizumi furrowed his brow. "How did you know I'd be over here?"

Oikawa's mother gave him the same wink he had seen so many times before. "A mother's intuition, of course!"

Iwaizumi blinked. The resemblance really _was_ uncanny.

Oikawa's mother laughed lightly. "I kid, I kid. Tooru told me he was going stop by this park before he left last week. I had a sneaking suspicion you'd visit, too."

"You don't say," he remarked.

Iwaizumi wondered if Oikawa felt the same anxiety when he visited the park last week, especially knowing he was going to confess to his crush just a few days later and potentially ruin everything. Unlike him, Oikawa tackled his feelings head on, accepting whatever outcome came from it, good or bad.

_He's braver than I am_.

Iwaizumi snapped himself out of thought, turning his attention back to Oikawa's mother. "So did you need me for something, or...?"

"Actually, yes," Oikawa's mother replied. "Would you mind stopping by before you leave tomorrow? I have a small favor to ask."

Iwaizumi hadn't been to Oikawa's house since Oikawa left for university nearly a week ago. But his childhood friend's house was like his second home. He spent many nights there for dinner, studying, going over volleyball plans, even spending the night well into high school. He wanted to see it one more time before he left for Tokyo.

So he nodded. "Sure. I'll come now."

\---

With just Iwaizumi and Oikawa's mother home, Oikawa's house was silent, the only hint of sound coming from the ticking of the clock by the stairs. It was different from when Oikawa was there; he always managed to fill the room with some kind of conversation, whether about his awful day at school, his antics at practice, or whatever beef he had with his latest girlfriend. But the silence didn't change the fact that he space felt familiar, inviting.

"Can I get you anything?" Oikawa's mother asked, as the two of them stepped into the kitchen. "Coffee or tea?"

"Coffee's fine."

As Oikawa's mother was prepping by the sink, Iwaizumi looked at the family photos hanging on the walls. He saw himself in one of them, in a small frame at the corner of the wall. He and Oikawa were holding up matching medals from their first volleyball tournament in elementary school, back when there were no such things as rivals, and winning didn't matter. He always thought that photo looked out of place next to the pictures of Oikawa's actual family: his parents and grandparents, his sister and brother-in-law, his nephew.

His eyes turned to a photo of Oikawa's sister closer to the center of the wall. She was in her wedding dress, looking more radiant than the prettiest girls from school could ever be. Standing beside her were her mother and father, all smiles. He swore he saw the slightest trace of tears forming on her mother's eyes.

Iwaizumi wondered if Oikawa's mother would have the same reaction if he and Oikawa actually did get into a relationship. How would she respond if she knew her son was holding hands, kissing, being intimate with another boy? Would she still welcome Iwaizumi into her home with open arms?

No matter what Oikawa's mother thought, her son's feelings were almost certainly contrary to her expectations for his life. Iwaizumi and Oikawa would have to be discreet about their relationship if either one of them wanted any hope of making the national team. They wouldn't be able to have a big wedding surrounded by family and friends, much less get married at all. They wouldn't be able to give Oikawa's mother more grandchildren despite knowing how much love she showered on her only grandson.

_But Oikawa would be happy_ , Iwaizumi thought. His chest felt heavy.

Oikawa's mother returned with a hot mug of coffee for Iwaizumi and a cup of tea for herself, setting the drinks on the table where Iwaizumi had been sitting.

"One coffee for you," Oikawa's mother said, placing the drinks on the table. His coffee was black, just how he liked it.

The two of them sat in silence for a period, just enjoying each other's company. Iwaizumi slowly drank his coffee, staring outside the window at the clear day. He heard nothing but the sound of a spoon clanking as Oikawa's mother stirred a little honey into her tea.

"Say, Hajime," Oikawa's mother said, breaking the silence, "Thank you for always being there for Tooru." When Iwaizumi's eyes met hers, she smiled warmly in response. "I never had the chance to tell you until now."

"That's not really something you need to thank me for," Iwaizumi replied. "We've always been together. I can't remember _not_ being with him."

Oikawa's mother looked at him intently. "But you were _always_ there for him, for the good times and bad times. No?"

Unease settled in Iwaizumi's stomach.

He was brought back to late nights in the Kitagawa Daiichi gym. He remembered Oikawa smacking balls across the gymnasium, completely frazzled by his inability to win. He remembered fighting back the urge to punch something when his coaches refused to give Oikawa a talking to, even after bringing it up to them multiple times. He remembered kicking Oikawa--literally--out of the gym when he refused to leave, long after their teammates had already gone home.

"Are you talking about junior high?" he asked. It was a subject neither Oikawa nor his family brought up often.

Oikawa's mother nodded. "It was a rough time. I still don't like to think about it, even though it was years ago." Her eyes trailed back down to her cup of tea, now half-full. "My husband and I really considered taking Tooru out of the club. He started coming home later and later, his grades started to slip... he even stopped eating some days."

Iwaizumi flashed back to lunch period in middle school, when Oikawa would give away perfectly good pork cutlets and rice balls, skipping out on socializing with their friends to toss some balls around in the gym alone. On really bad days, he even gave away the milk bread that Iwaizumi knew his mom baked especially for him. It was a sharp contrast to how he acted in high school, allowing Matsukawa and Hanamaki to make a complete fool out of his frivolous self on a daily basis, on top of teasing Iwaizumi relentlessly.

"I'm just glad he got through it," Iwaizumi said, words unable to express how he truly felt.

Oikawa's mother gave him an all-knowing smile, as if she knew he wasn't telling the entire truth. "But he wouldn't have gotten through it without your help, am I right?"

Iwaizumi averted his eyes, gaze shifting back to the window. "I... I gave him a small talking to."

"Oh, don't sell yourself short. If I remember correctly, you nearly broke his nose, didn't you?"

Iwaizumi absent-mindedly rubbed his forehead, remembering the night of breaking points, bloody noses, pep talks, and the feeling of being invincible.

"You make it sound like I tortured the kid," he said.

Oikawa's mother laughed lightly. "I wouldn't hold it against you if you did," she said, and Iwaizumi couldn't help but snort, the tension easing up from his shoulders. She continued, "But the point is, I'm forever grateful Tooru has someone in his life who loves him like you do."

Iwaizumi flinched at her words, the tension instantly returning to his body. He looked at Oikawa's mother once more, this time with uneasy eyes. But she just has the same soft smile on her face from before, as if she didn't realize the implication of the words that just came from her lips.

"Thank you, Hajime," she said, voice quiet.

Iwaizumi clenched his fist underneath the table. He had been fighting to keep himself from crossing the line from 'close friend' to 'love'. So why did she think he did?

Before he had time to refute her statement, Oikawa's mother turned red. "Look at me, rambling on like this. I guess that's what happens when you become an empty nester, huh?" She laughed. "Sorry about that."

He fought the urge to exhale in relief when she didn't say anything further.

"You're not any worse than my parents, and I haven't even left yet," Iwaizumi replied. It took all his focus to keep his expression as composed as possible.

"Well that makes me feel a little less lame." Oikawa's mother took another sip of tea. "Before I get off track again, the reason I called you over is because Tooru forgot to take something with him. Would you mind bringing it to him?"

Iwaizumi blinked. He had been so preoccupied with their previous conversation that he forgot the reason why he came to Oikawa's house in the first place.

"Yeah, of course," he replied.

"Great, I'll go get it now," Oikawa's mother said, smiling. "Be back in a minute!"

While she was gone, Iwaizumi reflected on Oikawa's mother's words. Did he really love Oikawa in that way? His heart had never fluttered when looking at his childhood friend. He never fantasized about kissing him, or touching him in places no one else got to touch. He had never even considered the possibility of doing these kinds of things because they were never supposed to be more than friends. But would he enjoy it, should it happen to him? He didn't want to think about the answer to that question.

Since he has never had a girlfriend himself, Iwaizumi thought back to the girls his friends and teammates have dated over the years. At first, the unpleasant images of Oikawa making out with his girl-of-the-week appeared in his mind. But then he recalled seeing Matsukawa's normally stoic expression replaced with a wide smile when he bragged about the homemade bento box his girlfriend made him. He remembered seeing Yahaba's girlfriend wait outside the gymnasium, rain or shine, to walk home with him for every single day of the three weeks they were together. He thought of the time he saw Watari's crush giving him a good luck hug before the Inter High, then later walking in on him crying in her arms after Seijoh had lost in the finals.

On paper, those all sounded like solid cases for love. But none of them really represented his relationship with Oikawa. Oikawa never bragged about the milk bread Iwaizumi bought for him whenever they had a practice match, and Iwaizumi never thought much of the times Oikawa offered to stay late to help him practice his jump serve. They never wished each other good luck before a tournament because they didn't need it; they had enough trust in their team and in each other to beat any opponents they faced. And even when matches didn't go the way they desired, their tears never lasted for long because they needed to be the support the other one needed.

Iwaizumi simply expected these things from Oikawa because they had been together for so long. He trusted that Oikawa would be there when he needed him, and he knew Oikawa was relying on him to be there when it counted. Iwaizumi often mocked Oikawa for using the phrase to describe their relationship, but their trust in each other really _was_ perfect.

A dreadful thought entered his mind. It was the one thought he had hidden deep in his heart, refusing to acknowledge it the entire week.

_If Oikawa has absolute trust in you, then why did you let him down at graduation?_

Iwaizumi wasn't given time to answer that question because at that moment, he heard footsteps outside the kitchen, signaling the return of Oikawa's mother.

In her hands was a beat up volleyball. It was discolored and coming apart at the seams, much like the old volleyball he gave to Oikawa all those years ago. Iwaizumi couldn't really see it in Oikawa's mother's hands, but the ball had some kind of marking on its other side.

His stomach dropped.

"Tooru was insistent we send this old thing to him," she said, brow furrowed as she examined the ball. "It's a good thing he called us sooner than later, or it would've been in the trash by now."

Iwaizumi took the ball from her hands, rotating it to get a better view of the front. When he saw what was on the other side of the ball, he flinched, feeling so pathetic when he realized what it was. The marking was faded, but he could clearly see his grumpy, eleven-year-old cartoon version of himself looking back at him.

All of a sudden, he was brought back to his summer in Kyoto, back when he was still a kid. He remembered how quiet that summer was, no friends there to shout "Iwa-chan!" incessantly in his ear. He remembered going outside and tossing his new volleyball around, only to realize there was no one there to return his passes. He remembered playing video games with the kids next door, wishing that his best friend hundreds of miles away was in their place. He remembered just how lonely he felt.

Then he realized how lonely Oikawa must be now, at a new school far away from home, feeling like he couldn't reach out to his best friend who should've been there for him, all because of a stupid love confession he chose to ignore. He would never wish that feeling on Oikawa, not if he could help it.

As Iwaizumi held the worn volleyball in his hands, he felt a lump in his throat, the sensation of something wet trickling down his face.

He saw shock and panic on Oikawa's mother's face. "H-Hajime? Sweetie, are you all right?" she stammered. She hesitated, then reached out to hold him, arms open wide.

It was only then that Iwaizumi realized he was crying for the first time since Seijoh's loss at their final tournament. But instead of denying it, he let the tears pour out, allowing himself to bury his head in Oikawa's mother's shoulder and let out all of the confused feelings he had been suppressing in one big rush. Maybe it was because he realized just how much of an idiot he was. Maybe it was because he recognized his own feelings for what they really were.

Iwaizumi didn't want Oikawa to rely on just a volleyball for comfort, all because he was too scared to return his confession that day. He didn't want his relationship with Oikawa to become defined by texts that would become less and less frequent, by meetings that would slowly become limited to the occasional, impersonal practice match. He wanted to be the one by Oikawa's side, because as much as he refused to admit it, as much as he wished it wasn't true, that things between them would never have to change, Iwaizumi loved him back all along.

\---

When Iwaizumi left for his own university the next day, he wasn't spared a single moment to himself. Most of his waking hours consisted of travelling to Tokyo in the back seat of a cramped car, filling out housing paperwork, hauling countless suitcases up the four flights of stairs it took to get to his dorm room, and getting acquainted with his new floor mates. And with his roommate moving on the same day as him, Iwaizumi had to deal with double the number of bodies shuffling boxes through the narrow door of his dorm. Needless to say, he was exhausted by the end of the day.

After hugging his parents goodbye, Iwaizumi crashed on his new bed, still littered with unfolded clothes and unpacked bags, in a vain attempt to preserve energy for the night's activities. He had been invited to go out with his new team, at the insistence of his roommate. They'd get a little buzzed with the help of their upperclassmen, get to know each other, and maybe meet some girls if they were lucky. It would be the perfect way to celebrate before the first day of classes, away from the eye of his family.

But there was somewhere he needed to go. As much as he wanted to rest, it couldn't wait.

Sitting up, he grabbed a duffel bag sitting at the corner of his bed. He unzipped it, giving the worn volleyball inside one final glance before closing it again. He slipped on a pair of sneakers, swiped his keys off his desk, and opened the door to his dorm.

"Kuroo," he called out to his roommate, "I'm heading out for a bit."

His roommate frowned. "Come out with us. Get to know your new team!"

_Another time_ , Iwaizumi thought. He had the next four years to get to know his new teammates, but only weeks, maybe even days, before he would become too busy to visit Oikawa.

"Sorry, I really have to see someone. It can't wait till later."

Kuroo tilted his head. "You got a girl or something?"

Iwaizumi turned red. "Erm... not exactly."

Kuroo gave Iwaizumi a hard look, examining his features with sharp eyes. "Whatever you say," he said, smiling mischievously. He then paused, sternly narrowing his eyes. "But I won't let you off the hook next time. Life is short!"

Iwaizumi frowned. "Whatever," he said, closing the door behind him. As the door clicked shut, he could faintly hear Kuroo's voice calling out, "Go get 'em, Iwaizumi-kun."

After five subway stops, a bus connection, and a long walk through an unfamiliar campus, Iwaizumi was at Oikawa's university, standing at the door of Oikawa's closed dorm room. He could see a light on inside, indicating someone was home. Even if that someone wasn't Oikawa, they'd surely be able to tell him where he went. Iwaizumi took a deep breath, knocking firmly on the door.

"Bokuto-kun?" came Oikawa's voice from inside.

He looked at the two nametags on the door; the second one, 'Bokuto Koutarou', must have belonged to Oikawa's roommate. He thought for a second. If Oikawa knew it was Iwaizumi at the door, he might ignore him. So Iwaizumi decided that banging even harder on the door was the best course of action.

Iwaizumi could hear footsteps from inside the room getting louder and louder. Oikawa's voice became more irritated with each step. "Bokuto-kun, you better not be drunk off your ass--"

Oikawa opened the door. His eyes widened upon realizing who was on the other side. "I-Iwa-chan?"

Iwaizumi mustered a small smile. "Hey, stranger."

Oikawa was dressed in a plain T-shirt and pajama pants, obviously settled in for the night. His dorm room was empty, empty beer bottles littering the side that Iwaizumi assumed belonged to Oikawa's roommate. Unlike Kuroo, Oikawa didn't look like he was interested in socializing that night.

For a moment, Iwaizumi was worried that Oikawa wasn't getting along with his team, despite what his Instagram posts were saying. But he decided this was neither the place nor the time to be nagging him. He had his own agenda to fulfill.

"Why are you here?" Oikawa asked.

"Special delivery, courtesy of your mother."

Iwaizumi opened the duffel bag slung across his shoulder, revealing the tattered volleyball inside. When Oikawa looked inside the bag, he sharply inhaled, turning flush red upon seeing what was there. Iwaizumi pulled out the volleyball, giving his poorly drawn face one last glance before handing the ball to Oikawa.

Oikawa snatched the ball from Iwaizumi's hands, making sure to hide the scribbled-on face with his arm. "I told her to mail it to me, you know. You weren't supposed to see it."

"Too late," Iwaizumi noted.

Oikawa took a step back into the confines of his room, clutching the ball in one arm and reaching for the door with the other. "Well, if that was all you came for, you should probably get going," he said with contempt. "Don't waste your first night at uni with silly old me."

Iwaizumi wasn't going to let their conversation end like this.

He forced the door open before Oikawa could slam it shut. "Can I come inside?"

Oikawa didn't reply. Instead, he pushed on the door even harder, saying, "Go home, Iwa-chan. You don't want to end up a social pariah because of me!"

Iwaizumi wedged his foot in front of the door. "I'm not leaving until you let me come in."

Oikawa gave Iwaizumi one last, hard stare, as if that small action would convince Iwaizumi to leave him alone. When that failed, he huffed and opened the door the entire way, letting Iwaizumi step into his empty dorm room.

"Fine," Oikawa said, frowning. "But only for a bit. I have some well-deserved beauty sleep to catch up on."

When Iwaizumi entered Oikawa's dorm room, he became increasingly aware of the proximity between him and his childhood friend. It was the first time since their incident in the volleyball clubroom on graduation day that they've been alone together. Instead of the sense of familiarity Iwaizumi felt whenever he was Oikawa, he felt tension, and it made him anxious.

Oikawa sat on his bed, Indian style, volleyball in his lap, while Iwaizumi sat on the office chair next to Oikawa's desk. Iwaizumi looked at Oikawa's expression, and for the first time, he couldn't read what was on his mind. Was he really going to go through with this?

_Yes_ , he thought. It was now or never. Tomorrow would turn into next week, then next month, until his--no, both of their feelings became so hidden they wouldn't be able to retrieve them again.

Iwaizumi met Oikawa's eyes with not fear, but determination. "I want to talk to you about something I've been thinking about this last week," he said. His tone was a little blunter than he had hoped.

"I don't like where this is going, but I'm listening," Oikawa said, equally as blunt.

"When you confessed to me, why didn't you let me give you an answer?"

Oikawa frowned. " _This_ is what you wanted to talk about? I should've known. And when I was this close to getting over it, too."

Iwaizumi pointed to the volleyball Oikawa was still holding in his arms. "If that's any indication, you're not."

Oikawa huffed. "Okay, so maybe I'm not. But I'm getting there, I promise!" he said, almost apologetically.

Iwaizumi narrowed his eyes. "You're dodging the question, Crappykawa." He was going to get an answer out of him, even if it took all night.

Oikawa paused. His previously haughty expression turned into a more serious one. "Fine, fine. I'll tell you if you really want to know," he said, hugging the volleyball even tighter. He sighed, composing himself before speaking again. "It's because I knew you would want to stay friends. We've been best friends since we were kids. Why risk what we have now for a relationship that probably wouldn't work out?"

Iwaizumi mulled over Oikawa's response, allowing the silence to linger between them. He had been terrified of the prospect of entering into a relationship with his childhood friend, ever since that day he confessed to him in the clubroom. But he never thought it wouldn't work out if they did get together; he was just afraid of taking things further than they already were. He expected more from the two of them and their bond that was fourteen years in the making. If there was just a single thing he could let Oikawa know tonight, it was that.

"Hey... is that what you really think?" he asked.

"What?"

"That it wouldn't work out if we got together."

"I... I hated thinking about something I'd never be able to have," Oikawa said, lips curling into a small pout. He was staring at the face on the ball in his arms. "So I assumed the worst. It was the only way I could deal with it."

Iwaizumi stood up from the desk chair and walked over to Oikawa's bed, sitting on the edge right next to him. His heart was hammering in his chest. He grabbed the ball out of Oikawa's hands, placing it on the bed next to them. With the ball out of the way, he gripped Oikawa's hand, interlacing his fingers with his own. He wasn't exactly sure what he was doing, to be honest, but he just needed to get the message across loud and clear.

He gave Oikawa a hard stare. "What if I told you that I think it would work?"

"Then I'd tell you to stop having pity on me because--" Oikawa paused, mouth open in a moment of clarity. "Wha... what?"

"I think it could work," Iwaizumi said, ignoring the trembling in his voice. "You've never let me down before. And I'll always be there for you. No matter what."

One week ago, Oikawa's eyes were marked by uncertainty: not just the unknown factor of whether his love was returned or not, but also the uncertainty over how the aftershocks of his confession would affect their friendship going forward. But now the tiniest glimmer of hope entered his eyes, something that Iwaizumi hadn't seen on his face since that day.

"Iwa-chan... are you saying..."

Iwaizumi smiled. "Yeah. I accept your confession. It's a week late, sorry about that."

Oikawa was silent, still sitting there with wide eyes. Iwaizumi didn't know if he should say something else, confirm that he really loved him back. But then Oikawa released his own hand from Iwaizumi's and wrapped his arms around him, burying his face in his chest and holding him tight. Iwaizumi squeezed him back just as tight, not wanting to break the contact, the warmth they shared.

"This better not be a sick joke," Oikawa said, voice muffled in Iwaizumi's chest.

_Of course it can't_ , Iwaizumi thought. Not when he had spent the last week cherishing, worrying over, pining over his best friend.

He released himself from Oikawa's grasp, yanking his face up with both of his hands, until they were staring directly into each other's eyes. "Does this look like a joking face to you?" he asked, resolution in his voice. Iwaizumi didn't falter, even after he realized that the distance between their faces was now mere inches. He tried not to think about what that implied.

But then Oikawa's face started moving closer to his own. For a split second, Iwaizumi was surprised, eyes wide, but then he realized his body was also moving towards Oikawa's on its own accord. It was as if they were meant to connect, to close the rift they had built between each other over the last week. He found his lips inching closer and closer to Oikawa's until they were firmly on his, the space between them finally shut.

Iwaizumi didn't feel his world explode when he kissed Oikawa for the first time. He wasn't met with soft, tender lips, but rough, chapped ones. He didn't feel butterflies in his stomach. But at the same time, Iwaizumi didn't want it to stop, because it was over as soon as it started. When he pulled away from Oikawa for the first time, he instantly dove back in for more, making up for the months, maybe years worth of kisses they should've shared with one another.

In between kisses, Oikawa was the first one to finally speak. He was flush red, smiling for the first time that night.

"I take it back," he declared, still slightly breathless. "I'm willing to believe you were being serious." He looked up at Iwaizumi, managing a small smirk. "There's just one thing I still need to hear."

Iwaizumi knew what was coming. Even though he had been aware of his feelings this entire time, he hadn't explicitly said the words out loud. Naturally, he couldn't help but turn red when Oikawa whispered, "I haven't heard those three words."

He playfully punched Oikawa's shoulder, trying to hide the embarrassment on his face with gruffness. "You wish, Assikawa."

Oikawa's jaw dropped. "You can at least grant me that much!"

Iwaizumi contemplated punching Oikawa again for being such a brat. But then he figured they'd been through much worse things. It wouldn't be the end of the world if Oikawa wouldn't shut up about it for the next week.

"Fine." He cupped Oikawa's cheek, placing a quick kiss on his lips. "I love you, Tooru."

Iwaizumi didn't know if he was smiling because he was happy or because Oikawa was absolutely beaming upon hearing those words. He decided he didn't care either way.

Oikawa wrapped Iwaizumi in an embrace once again, squeezing him tight. "I love you, too, Hajime."

Iwaizumi hugged Oikawa back, warmth filling his body. It was funny; just a week ago, he had been so terrified, so uncertain of what was to come, when he heard those words come out of Oikawa's mouth. But now they felt so natural, like they should've been saying them to each other the entire time.

A lot had changed since graduation. But this was the change he welcomed the most.

**Author's Note:**

> The first fic I've actually finished in months.
> 
> If you see any mistakes or typos, feel free to shoot me a message on here or [tumblr](http://courtto.tumblr.com/). Thanks for reading!


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